Memories in Stories

Girl's narrative approach keeps loved ones alive via reminiscing

By JANET ZIMMERMAN/The Press-Enterprise [VIDEO CLIP!]

10:21 PM PST on Thursday, November 17, 2005

At age 13, Addison Yost is an expert on grief. But that's not a bad thing.

The Redlands teen has used her own experiences to co-author a new book, "My Grandmother Is Always With Me," which is aimed at helping children deal with the death of a loved one.

The brightly colored book is based on Addison's relationship with her grandmother, who died more than a decade before she was born. And yet Addison knows all about her.

"My mom, all her siblings, friends of my mom's ... they've all told me stories and built on my connection with her," said Addison, a seventh-grader at Clement Middle School in Redlands.

In the book, Addison talks about how her grandmother loved animals, as she does, and that it would make her grandmother happy to see how well she cares for her own pets. When Addison sees an owl outside her house, and finds its feathers at her door, she wonders if they are messages from her grandmother.

She sings her grandma's favorite songs, plays her piano and often begs her mother to make grandma's pancake recipe.

Addison writes: "I like to wear some of her jewelry and imagine what it felt like on her when she wore it.

"When my Mom got married, I wore my grandmother's garnet ring and bracelet. I loved wearing something of hers especially because I know she wore them at her wedding too, a long time ago."

The text was prompted by questions from Addison's mom, Lorraine Hedtke. She is a bereavement counselor for Vitas hospice in San Bernardino and a pioneer in the narrative approach to death, which promotes keeping loved ones alive through memories and storytelling.

Hedtke pitched the idea for the book after she was asked for recommended readings about grief for children and couldn't find anything satisfactory. "My Grandmother Is Always With Me" provides a positive approach to what is often a confusing experience, she said.

"It's a wonderful way to explain what kids can do besides feel sad. It gives them a place to connect," Hedtke said.

Addison presented the book to counselors, nurses and physicians in Australia and New Zealand this summer and explained to them how such a "remembering journey" is helpful.

"It was so cute. Here's this 12- year-old kid, teaching 50 year olds," Hedtke said.

The book is illustrated with collages made of fabric, paper, yarns and lace that were created by Addison and artist Annette Olson, a family friend.

The catchy illustrations and simple text make the book helpful for children of all ages, said Marilee Davis, an intern in marriage and family therapy who used the book with youngsters she counseled at the Loma Linda University Marriage and Family Therapy Clinic.

Reading the book aloud to clients stirs their own memories and is a springboard to other conversations, said Davis, who now uses "My Grandmother Is Always With Me" with teens at a residential treatment facility in Utah.

"The stories help them feel comfortable with me, which is a great start for therapy," she said. "It opens things up, to have conversations about what they see in the picture and how they remember their own grandma or mom."